朕早知道爱卿是蓝莓变的！ @[email protected]

I have a lot to say, lol.

This course has left me with memories and insights I will carry for a long time.

One was a Q&A session with Wade — we all watched the stars together online. It felt unexpectedly romantic.

The stretch from Session 8 to 18 was tough. But through it, I learned where my limits lie — physically and mentally — and how to care for myself while still moving forward. That lesson has stayed with me far beyond astrology.

Around Session 8, my body began to fall behind. That was also when the informal chart discussions started, and I managed to attend two of them. In that month alone, I went through seven different sessions on London time — which meant every live class ran from 0 to 2AM in my time zone. It was… insane. Very quickly I became physically and mentally exhausted. My circadian rhythm collapsed, my executive functioning shut down, and my sensitivity spiked.

At that exact moment, we began linking planets and signs to things in everyday life. The learning curve suddenly felt steep and intimidating. I lost confidence. Every chart I touched filled me with hesitation, and I no longer dared to judge.

Then, around Session 18, everything suddenly clicked. The fog lifted. My instinct sharpened, and a clear, structured framework settled in my mind.

That was the moment I realized I had gained everything I dreamed of before coming here. And I cherish it — deeply.

Toward the end of the course, I suddenly saw how, at their core, neurodevelopment (my field of work) and astrology are much alike: both trace how specific starting conditions unfold into destiny within a particular structure of time and space. Two things that seem opposed share the same underlying path. That realization felt truly wondrous.

When I first sought out classical astrology, I pursued refined technique — prediction, judgment, the “correct” answer. Looking back now, this journey with STA has changed me.

I’ve come to see that the heart of it all is not prediction, but the act of attending to and discerning the question. Asking and answering become a dialogue of will and awareness between astrologer and querent; together we witness how a question takes shape, how it unfolds, and what kind of understanding is needed to meet it.

I also remember Deb’s case about the missing child. In class she vividly brought back the querent — the mother of the lost boy — her appearance, her expression, even the moment of their meeting. That kind of empathy, still alive after thirty years, pierced through the screen and struck me. When the querent clung to her visions, believing herself a medium and unable to hear any facts, it was empathy alone that allowed dialogue to happen.

We have lived through the “light and love” of the New Age, only to return, at last, to the austerity of technique. Yet what emerges is no longer a metaphysical mirage, but a true morning star.

Thank you to all the tutors, and to the entire community. This course has changed me, and I will carry it with me always.

提交了最后的课程作业，很遗憾不能保持继续满绩，因为犯了个蠢。

说起离家出走，想到：
六岁的时候因为家人之间沟通失误，导致期末考试结束后没有人来接，我在原地等了一会儿最后决定自己走回家，但是因为记错地标走错绕了很远的路，绕回家的时候已经晚上快九点。
我们家的人管这个叫我离家出走。

不久之后还有一次，也是因为我小时候不敢跟陌生人张嘴问路，宁愿自己找，也是花了很多时间后来自己绕回去了。
这个也叫离家出走。

不过这一切没有得到任何理解，我得到的是指责“你为什么不告诉爷爷今天要去接你”“张嘴问路有什么不敢的”“小孩就是这么不懂事不懂大人会担心很自私“以及愈发严密的所谓保护。

后来我真的花了漫长的很多年精心策划了一场离家出走，无人发觉异常。我学着把很多人和事抛在身后，交了一些和我一样离开家的朋友，彼此分担痛苦、焦虑和自由。

说实话还是有点恍惚，课程页面右下角的calendar就这样一件一件消失只剩下last date to submit assignments

睡了一觉，下午又补了一觉，继续处理课程收尾的事情。

结课之后压力指数一下子从60掉到27。天啊我的这个压力指数维持在60已经有两三周了，喜欢上课是真的，累人也是真的。

……接下来要缓慢修复我的身体健康。

Deb和Wade当众劝大家别来high diploma课程。我真的笑亖。我肯定是要去的，因为我确实有一些感兴趣的议题需要指路。
但是我特别喜欢她这个行为，那高阶课程我看了，感觉跟我读博一样，劝人不读博当然是功德啊！！！！

其实我感觉课程刚开始的时候，我也很执著于impress Deb cuz for gods sake this is DEBORAH HOULDING!!!!! 但是课程上着上着我给干shutdown了，我能活着跟上就不错了！也就完全不琢磨networking了！直到再上Deb课的session18，本来我也觉得天然一起上课讨论应该抓住机会，但是我当时只是感觉到那个问题（就是今天说的那个）但是说不出来，就也没必要勉强。session18之后我又感觉拥有了clear strong instinct, structural clean framework，也就很知足，不觉得还有什么必要去强行networking了。
另外就是后半程我意识到Deb真的非常忙！我觉得不要为了一己之私欲去占用她的时间精力吧，尊重一点！所以开启对话也审慎很多。

最后就是，私信觉得技术原理上我觉得我已经都基本掌握了，然我现在会觉得困惑的都是她们也会觉得subtle的议题，我也有自己想要继续的方向和内容。这个社群的氛围也很好很顶级。所以其实我觉得Deb创建STA想要给出的占星术和学习氛围我都已经得到了。我在这里真的没有什么遗憾。

一起上课的中国同学来同步进度。说在好多课程录像里看到我我都在，好强！凌晨也在线。
我说SOS那岂不是净看见我问一些蠢逼问题！

Formal farewell环节
坐在TL大哭

一打开session17六道论述题，我直接死掉！

原计划今天出门前干完两个session实际上只干完了一个。
因为写作业的时候为了研究取宫，去学了一下几大法系当然尤其是大陆法系和海洋法系的区别………

一写起作业就发了狠了忘了情了没了命了。
朋友来南京看演唱会叫我去一起吃饭，我说必然是去啊，约的四点来钟。我交完作业一抬头15:09。大叫着卧槽卧槽卧槽就抓起伞和钥匙打了车冲出门。

庭审盘也满绩了，就这个连续满绩爽！

例如在妻子关于丈夫审判结果的问卜中，我们如何取宫？
如果这是一个庭审盘，那么控方是一宫，而被起诉方是七宫；但如果这就是一个问卜卦盘，无论问卜者是否是原告或者被告，都属于一宫。

但是吊诡的是，当我开始考虑取象，这个horary chart本身变成了一个trial commencement chart。这是我会反复爱上horary的时刻。

我感觉这个Horary学到现在确实算是小有所成了......因为具体的技术和取宫取象不再让我感到困扰，开始困扰一些更微妙的问题。比如转宫。

睡到十点钟自然醒了。原本想继续睡，但是考虑下午三点要出门，为了遵守对自己的承诺：formal farewell前提交所有作业，还是决定起床照光之后打个奶昔去办公室。