朕早知道爱卿是蓝莓变的！ @[email protected]

早上睡醒在思考这个大占星。
学古占之前感觉是和现占两模两样的东西。
学完之后就不觉得是那么回事了，就是现占的理论框架有时候你又觉得很对劲，但是解释起来就不是那么回事了。

但我感觉自己整个人就是有种平静的疯感。
下午为了师弟的工略微social了一下，老大说我们 mice work进展实在太慢。
我心想我能进展很快但我不想啊，有必要push自己吗？这个博读得了无意趣。这不是能力问题，我做占星就是核动力驴一样。
据说我们实验室耗材经费会在半年内破产，劳务费会在明年七月破产。
我心想太好了，少在那边PUA我发个大文章，我将怒写一百篇古占公众号爽个够。

我真服了。上周莫名其妙扣了我5G流量，我去协商，退了我15话费，意思自己定流量包。今天订流量包发现停机了。
线上复机打不开，我以为剩一点点流量被限速了，出门去蹭网。并没有什么卵用，还被花蚊子咬了俩大包。

就是这种时候我觉得特别幸福啊！！！！！谁懂！！！！

其实我感觉我的路数比较像Deb，多少有点instinct leading，我提问的时候Deb也经常坦承你说的这个细节当时我就没注意啥的。Morgan就感觉是解码专家简直面面俱到啊！太牛逼了我觉得！

收到了Morgan对Session15的评价。
怎么说呢，Morgan真的一开始有种学长气质，就在Deb和Wade的耀眼光芒衬托之下显得特别接地气，你也不会期望他的技术有多么华丽。但是后面相处下来他真的好细节......很多我看不到的信息他都看得到。
而且有技术他是真的教你的！！！他每次批改作业那评语都特么写得比我的作业还长了。

谷雨奶皮面膜怎么回事。我巴掌大的脸你竟也无法完全覆盖吗？受众是谁？

没想到horary之后开始追求的读物是炼金术

I have a lot to say, lol.

This course has left me with memories and insights I will carry for a long time.

One was a Q&A session with Wade — we all watched the stars together online. It felt unexpectedly romantic.

The stretch from Session 8 to 18 was tough. But through it, I learned where my limits lie — physically and mentally — and how to care for myself while still moving forward. That lesson has stayed with me far beyond astrology.

Around Session 8, my body began to fall behind. That was also when the informal chart discussions started, and I managed to attend two of them. In that month alone, I went through seven different sessions on London time — which meant every live class ran from 0 to 2AM in my time zone. It was… insane. Very quickly I became physically and mentally exhausted. My circadian rhythm collapsed, my executive functioning shut down, and my sensitivity spiked.

At that exact moment, we began linking planets and signs to things in everyday life. The learning curve suddenly felt steep and intimidating. I lost confidence. Every chart I touched filled me with hesitation, and I no longer dared to judge.

Then, around Session 18, everything suddenly clicked. The fog lifted. My instinct sharpened, and a clear, structured framework settled in my mind.

That was the moment I realized I had gained everything I dreamed of before coming here. And I cherish it — deeply.

Toward the end of the course, I suddenly saw how, at their core, neurodevelopment (my field of work) and astrology are much alike: both trace how specific starting conditions unfold into destiny within a particular structure of time and space. Two things that seem opposed share the same underlying path. That realization felt truly wondrous.

When I first sought out classical astrology, I pursued refined technique — prediction, judgment, the “correct” answer. Looking back now, this journey with STA has changed me.

I’ve come to see that the heart of it all is not prediction, but the act of attending to and discerning the question. Asking and answering become a dialogue of will and awareness between astrologer and querent; together we witness how a question takes shape, how it unfolds, and what kind of understanding is needed to meet it.

I also remember Deb’s case about the missing child. In class she vividly brought back the querent — the mother of the lost boy — her appearance, her expression, even the moment of their meeting. That kind of empathy, still alive after thirty years, pierced through the screen and struck me. When the querent clung to her visions, believing herself a medium and unable to hear any facts, it was empathy alone that allowed dialogue to happen.

We have lived through the “light and love” of the New Age, only to return, at last, to the austerity of technique. Yet what emerges is no longer a metaphysical mirage, but a true morning star.

Thank you to all the tutors, and to the entire community. This course has changed me, and I will carry it with me always.

提交了最后的课程作业，很遗憾不能保持继续满绩，因为犯了个蠢。

说起离家出走，想到：
六岁的时候因为家人之间沟通失误，导致期末考试结束后没有人来接，我在原地等了一会儿最后决定自己走回家，但是因为记错地标走错绕了很远的路，绕回家的时候已经晚上快九点。
我们家的人管这个叫我离家出走。

不久之后还有一次，也是因为我小时候不敢跟陌生人张嘴问路，宁愿自己找，也是花了很多时间后来自己绕回去了。
这个也叫离家出走。

不过这一切没有得到任何理解，我得到的是指责“你为什么不告诉爷爷今天要去接你”“张嘴问路有什么不敢的”“小孩就是这么不懂事不懂大人会担心很自私“以及愈发严密的所谓保护。

后来我真的花了漫长的很多年精心策划了一场离家出走，无人发觉异常。我学着把很多人和事抛在身后，交了一些和我一样离开家的朋友，彼此分担痛苦、焦虑和自由。

说实话还是有点恍惚，课程页面右下角的calendar就这样一件一件消失只剩下last date to submit assignments

睡了一觉，下午又补了一觉，继续处理课程收尾的事情。

结课之后压力指数一下子从60掉到27。天啊我的这个压力指数维持在60已经有两三周了，喜欢上课是真的，累人也是真的。

……接下来要缓慢修复我的身体健康。

Deb和Wade当众劝大家别来high diploma课程。我真的笑亖。我肯定是要去的，因为我确实有一些感兴趣的议题需要指路。
但是我特别喜欢她这个行为，那高阶课程我看了，感觉跟我读博一样，劝人不读博当然是功德啊！！！！

其实我感觉课程刚开始的时候，我也很执著于impress Deb cuz for gods sake this is DEBORAH HOULDING!!!!! 但是课程上着上着我给干shutdown了，我能活着跟上就不错了！也就完全不琢磨networking了！直到再上Deb课的session18，本来我也觉得天然一起上课讨论应该抓住机会，但是我当时只是感觉到那个问题（就是今天说的那个）但是说不出来，就也没必要勉强。session18之后我又感觉拥有了clear strong instinct, structural clean framework，也就很知足，不觉得还有什么必要去强行networking了。
另外就是后半程我意识到Deb真的非常忙！我觉得不要为了一己之私欲去占用她的时间精力吧，尊重一点！所以开启对话也审慎很多。

最后就是，私信觉得技术原理上我觉得我已经都基本掌握了，然我现在会觉得困惑的都是她们也会觉得subtle的议题，我也有自己想要继续的方向和内容。这个社群的氛围也很好很顶级。所以其实我觉得Deb创建STA想要给出的占星术和学习氛围我都已经得到了。我在这里真的没有什么遗憾。

一起上课的中国同学来同步进度。说在好多课程录像里看到我我都在，好强！凌晨也在线。
我说SOS那岂不是净看见我问一些蠢逼问题！